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Stop Looking Over Your Shoulder!

4/20/2023

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A friend of mine was doing a training run for a marathon in December and made the mistake of looking back over his shoulder while he was running. Now he has a severely sprained ankle. It reminded me of what I’ve often told people whom I have counseled for years: You can't move forward if you spend all your time looking over your shoulder.  Of course, I was speaking metaphorically, but it seems it holds true in the physical world as well.
 
What does it mean to stop looking over your shoulder? Well, if you're in a relationship, it points to your mentally comparing the current relationship to past ones, whether they were lousy or wonderful. Either way, looking over your shoulder prevents you from being objective about a current situation.
 
Within a relationship, looking over your shoulder  can refer to times when you were in a conflict with your significant other and instead of dealing with what your feelings are at the moment, you spend all your time pointing out situations in the past to prove your point. Unfortunately, it’s a point that may cost you dearly in the relationship. Few relationships survive scorekeeping.
 
Within your own psychology, looking over your shoulder refers to an emotional attachment to your past life experiences. If you are afraid to move forward, whether personally or career-wise, because your past experiences have never worked out well, then you are short-changing yourself. You should, of course, intellectually assess what you may have overlooked in the past or what attitudes may have stood in your way. However, this should be done with the intent of moving forward, not wallowing in the past. This means you leave the emotions attached to the past in the past. 

So, what are two important things to remember about this?

1) Make sure that all your thoughts regarding past experiences are viewed in terms of how they can best serve your current desire;
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2) Stay clear of the negative emotions (anger, poor-me's, etc.) that are attached to your past experiences. This will not serve you in the present. 

Scribblings on Empowerment
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    Dannye Williamsen

    I have been studying the human psyche and its wonderful and often frustrating journey for over four decades. It was only natural that my love of writing and teaching became part of this journey. 

    My writings are dedicated to those who are willing to search  outside the box for meaning in their lives, who are willing to shift their view of the world just enough to recognize they are unique expressions, and who are willing to do the inner work to improve their understanding of who they are.

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I will read forever because it lets me visit in my mind the worlds that I will never be able to see; it helps me put away the stresses of the day and relax into the rhythm of the story before me; it lets me bring to the surface and experience without regrets those feelings I hide away; it lets me re-experience the thrill of first love through someone else's eyes; it keeps my mind juiced so that it will never desert me; it is always there for me even when there's no one else. I will read forever no matter whether it is print or digital because the words will always call to me. ~ A Sassy Scribbler