The disappointment found by not finding the right job or the right relationship is meant to be a "mindslap!" — an opportunity for clarity and change, an opportunity to find your sweet spot in life. This sweet spot can’t be found “out there.” So, relationships and experiences out in the world can’t reveal it to you by themselves. Outer experiences and relationships with others act like teasers to give you the chance to define the power you have over the emotions within yourself. Why is this important? Because your feelings attract your life, including the quality of your relationships.
Finding the sweet spot within yourself is the key to better relationships and experiences in your life. Whatever your relationship is with yourself is the cloth from which the pattern of your life is cut. Your life mirrors back to you the relationship you have with yourself. If you believe yourself to be inferior, you will draw people and experiences to you to support this. So, if you want to experience Life’s Sweet Spot, that place that gives you joy each day as you wake and go about your business, start by finding that sweet spot, that place of harmony, within yourself. Then you will discover that your relationships with those in your life will start to improve, and you will draw new people to you.
The state of your inner world attracts experiences to you, including relationships that harmonize with that inner world. As a result, your outer experiences allow you to determine what kinds of attitudes — both positive and negative — really exist within you. We often fool ourselves into thinking we are a certain way, but the nature of our experiences doesn't try to fool us. For example, you may think you are totally independent and self-assured, but if you find yourself fully participating as a victim in a relationship, you’re fooling yourself.
So bless your relationships when they reveal the truth about yourself. Otherwise, you won't know what you need to change to have a better life!
Relationships are the greatest tool you have in your life for effecting change, especially the up-close and personal ones. They give you so many opportunities to put what you learn into practice. This is important because you never know for sure how many of these new ideas and attitudes have actually taken root in your belief system until you interact with the world and test out your reactions.
There’s an old story about a monk who went up into the mountains where he prayed and meditated until he reached what he believed to be an enlightened state of mind. So, quite proud of his accomplishment, he left his cave and went down the mountain. When he reached the main road, a fellow pedestrian bumped into him as he walked. Immediately, he became angry.
The moral of this story is that inner work comes first but it is only in the relative world – in the interactions with others — that we can know the extent of our understanding because we can only express what we truly understand.
Appreciate the value of your relationships. There is no greater tool available to you for refining your efforts to reach toward your highest potential as a “spiritual being having a human experience.”
No one quantum leaps into a perfect understanding of relationships of any kind. While you are in this human experience, you’re always going to be on a journey of learning. So, don’t get so uptight. Remember that you are a creative being. You have the luxury of taking your life one day at a time.
Life is a learning process, and marriage can be an important part of the process. In these relationships, commitment is especially important because once the honeymoon phase is over, you start to unpack all the baggage you brought with you into this relationship, and that’s when the fun begins! Unless you’re committed, you may find yourself talking about toothpaste lids and toilet seats being grounds for divorce.
With marriage supposedly being a legally committed relationship, it has a special advantage. In other words, one of us is not going to fly the coop without effort. Friends can come and go easily — married partners not so much. We may get mad at each other, and because it’s not so easy to walk away, we get over it. The question is do we learn from it?
Communication is another important element in any relationship. You must be willing to put your feelings on the table and communicate about them calmly, openly, and fairly. The other person in the relationship cannot read your mind, no matter how much easier that would be for you! You must reveal your thoughts and your feelings while taking responsibility for them. Take the time to make sure the two of you are on the same page. If you're not, no amount of talk will change anything.
Regardless of how much people might say they hate or love partnerships of any kind, they are in a bunch of them their entire lives. Most of these partners are not out in the world. Instead, they look back at you every time you look in the mirror. You get out of bed with these secret partners in the morning, and they are still with you when you crawl into bed at night.
What is even scarier is that you don’t notice how sneaky they are and how much their voices influence your life because they look and sound just like you. Even when you look in the mirror you don’t see them. Why should you? All you see is you looking back at you. You’ve gotten so used to them, you no longer notice when they start making decisions for you and acting as you.
The only way to get rid of them is to catch them in action and give them a name. This means you must make a conscious effort to recognize these subpersonalities within you. By calling your attention to them, you can stop them. You can stop being angry at the same things over and over, not even really understanding why you're having such feelings. You can stop sabotaging yourself because a part of you feels like you’re not good enough. The impact and character of these subpersonalities within you goes on and on.
Most of us like to think of ourselves as a nice person. After all, we never deliberately harm anyone else. Bad feelings we have about other people are ignored or kept deeply hidden within ourselves. Since this is definitely the planet of lesson, what's the lesson in this for us? The lesson is to remember that the feelings we have about other people are like magnets because they have an attracting power.
What does this mean? It means that those nasty feelings are busy attracting people and experiences into our lives that will resonate with those nasty feelings we're harboring. It’s cause and effect, intent and result. Karma is a word we often hear, but take note that karma doesn’t always result from outer actions.
You are walking around in a creative energy that does not care if it helps or hurts you. It is an intelligent energy that offers you pain to let you know how far off the creative track you are. This is the only way this potential can get your attention and put you back on track. So, give up the idea that you are a victim or are being punished. The quality of your relationships, your life, will mirror back to you how off track you are from where you want to be.
When I see people in troubled relationships, they seldom recognize their problem as a gift for them. It is more accurate to say that the trouble they are having in an outer relationship is designed to be an emotional shock so that they wake up to the relationship they have with themselves. Pain is usually the only way to wake us up to the wisdom that lies hidden within.
How many people are willing to take problems as the shock they need to wake up? It’s more likely they will see such difficulties as bad luck or as an excuse to whine or blame the experience on being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The result is that the same experience or something like it will enter their lives over and over.
Each person is an attracting machine. All experiences, both good and bad, are waiting for someone to choose them. So, calling earth the planet of lesson is not such a bad idea. We came here to take responsibility for what we choose. Life on this planet of lesson is like lifting weights. Being able to stand up under the weight of your bad experiences is the way you grow into the emotional strength you need to access better life experiences.
Your bad experiences are the signals that some thoughts or behaviors need to be changed. Bad experiences come from either your conditioning (your trained machine) or your inability to see them as a signal indicating you need to make a change of some kind. Either way you are faced with a choice. You can choose to see what you need to do to effect change or keep whining.
I believe it is important to be on alert for these lessons in life so we can use our pain to change and attract better experiences in all areas of our lives, particularly in the nature of our relationships.
Here is a scary idea. The drive to find the right relationships or the right experiences is the hidden desire to find the sweet spot within yourself. So don’t waste your time looking “out there.” It is not a place derived from any experience or any relationship out in the world.
Here is something that can be hard to get your mind around. The only purpose outer relationships or experiences serve is to act like teasers to keep you refining the creative power you have within yourself. This relationship you forge within yourself is the most important relationship because it is like having a partner who can bring you anything you desire, and I do mean ANYTHING!
Before we go any further, let's define this “sweet spot” I keep mentioning. To me, the sweet spot within myself is when my thoughts and my feelings are in complete harmony and partnering for my highest good. This is a gift from God — the ability to come into this sweet spot and create that which is my highest good.
We lose connection with this sweet spot because we don’t have the awareness when we’re small to say no to the influences of those around us. Consequently, we condition ourselves to look for answers in the world. Of course, the answer to finding that sweet spot, that harmony between our thoughts and feelings which makes us feel whole, can’t be found in the world. This starts a vicious cycle for most people. They hustle to find the “right” relationship or the “right” job, and for a little while, they think they’ve found it. But the world can never bring their mind and heart together. So, they drop that relationship or that job and hustle to find another.
It’s a glorious moment when a person recognizes they need to look within if they are going to find the right relationship or job because it’s only when we create harmony within our thoughts and feelings that we will succeed in finding those things we seek in the outer. In other words, we must take responsibility for the change necessary to be happy.
Why should we try to find this sweet spot? Following the path where we look for our answers out in the world prevents us from expressing ourselves fully. As Teilhard said, “We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” When we fall victim to our conditioning, we operate without full awareness of what we do or how we feel about what we do. We mimic those around us and live our lives through all the roles we’ve taken on during our lifetime to fulfill our needs. If we continue to do this, we have turned everything on its head — we have become human beings trying to have a spiritual experience.
Every experience in your life and mind is the result of harmonizing vibrations. Whatever state of mind you possess, whatever level of harmony or disharmony you possess, determines the kinds of experiences you draw to yourself. If you recognize this, you can see why it is so important for you to seek this sweet spot within yourself. It is what generates the quality of your world.
So why is it so hard to create this balance within us, this sweet spot? For one thing, we fail to recognize the consequences of mimicking others and embracing their attitudes as our own. We fail to see the buffers that come into being because we don’t want to see how absolutely ridiculous some of our beliefs about ourselves and the world are. We fail to see that we have turned over the control of our experiences to all those “false personalities” within us that we’ve created for dealing with different situations in our lives so we can feel more comfortable.
Until we accept that the experiences we have — the good, the bad, and yes, the ugly — are all there for a purpose, we will never be able to connect with this sweet spot within ourselves. Being born onto this earth is not about having a place to live. Earth is a giant classroom. The teachers are not flesh and blood. The teachers are experiences.
We can tell how well we are learning the lessons by the discomfort we feel and how often we return to the same experiences time after time. I shuddered at the idea that anything less than success was my own fault and that it was a waste of time to blame life, other people, or my past experiences. However, accepting the responsibility for your own experiences is a condition you must face if you are interested in personal change. It takes an extremely brave soul to say, “I am responsible for the conditions in which I live.” It’s much easier to play the blame game.