I just found this free verse I wrote in June, 2020. Interesting that I experienced a moment recently that dealt with my feelings about this very issue. Even three years after the fact, old concerns or regrets will suddenly surface. I am sure the occurrences will be rarer as time goes on. At least this is what I'm told. John and I are soulmates. We served each other's needs, psychologically and emotionally, in this lifetime. We were able to open ourselves to each other in ways we'd never been able to do with others. I am still learning from my time with him. Although he, too, was learning, I believe he was further along on the journey this lifetime than I.
| TIME MOVES FORWARD Time moves forward without a hint of remorse, dragging me along, ignoring my protests. I just want to hold onto the moment before ... before his last breath. Before I lost him forever. I want to go back and say things I would have if I hadn't been in such a disordered state of mind. If I had earlier given up my maniacal hold on hope, accepted what was and been totally present, perhaps the memories would be sweeter. Oh, I said many things to him a few days before but in that moment of finality, the words fled. I wanted to pull him back, take hold of a miracle, go back in time with foreknowledge of what awaited, so I could be in the moment with him all the time instead of racing around on an impossible mission. Sadly, that didn’t happen. Now I must assume my thoughts today go beyond the veil to him in whatever form he takes, so he knows that his death is changing me, clarifying my view of myself and of the world around me, pecking away at the walls I’ve built in my life. When we are together again on the other side or in another life, I will have grown from this. You, my love, are still my teacher in many ways as you say I was yours. We are indeed soulmates. ©DWilliamsen |
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