TIME MOVES FORWARD
Time moves forward without a hint of remorse,
dragging me along, ignoring my protests.
I just want to hold onto the moment before ...
before his last breath. Before I lost him forever.
I want to go back and say things I would have
if I hadn't been in such a disordered state of mind.
If I had earlier given up my maniacal hold on hope,
accepted what was and been totally present,
perhaps the memories would be sweeter.
Oh, I said many things to him a few days before
but in that moment of finality, the words fled.
I wanted to pull him back, take hold of a miracle,
go back in time with foreknowledge of what awaited,
so I could be in the moment with him all the time
instead of racing around on an impossible mission.
Sadly, that didn’t happen. Now I must assume
my thoughts today go beyond the veil to him
in whatever form he takes, so he knows that
his death is changing me, clarifying my view
of myself and of the world around me,
pecking away at the walls I’ve built in my life.
When we are together again on the other side
or in another life, I will have grown from this.
You, my love, are still my teacher in many ways
as you say I was yours. We are indeed soulmates.
I will read forever because it lets me visit in my mind the worlds that I will never be able to see; it helps me put away the stresses of the day and relax into the rhythm of the story before me; it lets me bring to the surface and experience without regrets those feelings I hide away; it lets me re-experience the thrill of first love through someone else's eyes; it keeps my mind juiced so that it will never desert me; it is always there for me even when there's no one else. I will read forever no matter whether it is print or digital because the words will always call to me. ~ A Sassy Scribbler